The first day of pre-planning is spent watching videos filled with warnings about what you had better do if you want to be lucky enough to keep your job. It is insulting to be shown a video of a female middle-school teacher writing a love letter to a 12 year old and being told "don't do that." Or to see a long haired hippy teacher cornering a cutie in the hallway and telling her to meet him somewhere tonight "alone." Why would you insult us like that? When a person is on trial for child abuse, do you think it will be compelling evidence for the jury that you showed him/her this video? I'm sorry. I don't think so. It's just insulting and demeaning. You professional standards people are just putting us in our place, making sure we know that we can be pushed around. Oh and you better not accept any gifts from your students for those extra hours you give them. You can give a student hour after hour of your time but if you accept a coffee mug in return you are an unethical person. Be afraid. We will swoope down and ruin your life!!!! Better not lose a receipt or drop a booster club dollar on the floor. We will put you in jail.

What an exciting way to spend the first day every year. What are they thinking? It's boring and insulting and I don't care how many lawyers told them to do it. The lawyers can go take a leap off something. I mean really "You are going to be cited if you fail to evacuate during a fire drill because the fire marshall will speak harshly to the principal if he finds that someone didn't evacuate. I don't think I ever recall hearing that someone was injured in a school fire in my whole life. You are more likely to be eaten by a shark. I'll lay odds that 10 guys with blow torches could not set fire to our building. It's made out of concrete, steel, and fire resistant tiles.

Oh and that professional portfolio better be world class or we'll have to let you go. You better get busy on that because you'll have to meet with an administrator about it by Sept. 15. Be afraid! Make sure you have your evaluation instrument in place. Administrators' need for covering theirrrrrrr ass bears no relationship to my teaching and wastes a lot of my time. I've turned out 25 vocal music majors in the past 10 years. I wonder how that stands against the average. Then there are another 500 students who will sing for the rest of their lives. I don't think we need to measure much beyond that.

Then we are required to read the same kind of riot act to the students on the first day. You know they go home happy.